Standard sex addiction treatment protocol, especially in
cases where a partner (or spouse) has discovered sexual betrayal by the addict,
includes a process called “disclosure.”
Disclosure is a 3-phase, structured and formal process, facilitated by
both the partner’s therapist and the addict’s therapist. It occurs over a period of several months,
usually starting about 6-9 months into therapy, ideally sooner. In the first phase, the addict reads the disclosure
letter to the partner, explaining the ways in which the addict violated sexual
boundaries, betrayed partner’s trust, was manipulative and deceitful. In the second phase, the partner reads the
impact statement to the addict, describing the emotional pain, mental turmoil,
sexual trauma, and other impacts of the betrayal. In the third phase, the addict reads the
emotional restitution letter to the partner, empathizing with the partner’s emotional
pain, fear, shame, and anger. This 3-phase
process is typically very emotional and somewhat traumatic to both parties. Just like physical healing, emotional healing
sometimes requires painful and traumatic “surgery.” Whereas the disclosure process is very
challenging, it establishes a foundation of truth and honesty from which the
couple can heal, grow, and eventually thrive.
After going through what may feel like another confessional,
how does a partner know
that the
addict is being truthful in the disclosure letter or isn’t still trying to hide
something, especially after years and years of lies? When the partner’s trust bucket is empty and
when the partner’s gut instincts are thought to be unreliable, a polygraph exam
can be a helpful tool. A scheduled post-disclosure
polygraph exam also serves as an incentive for the addict to be completely
honest. After reading a disclosure
letter and then passing a polygraph exam, the addict often feels
empowered: “Yes, I do have the capacity
to be honest.” When the addict passes
the polygraph exam, the partner can begin the journey of learning to trust the
gut, again. To maintain a track record
of honesty, addicts often repeat the polygraph exam about every 3 or 4 months
for the next year or so. In combination
with other recovery activities, polygraph exams can be a tool to help couples
reestablish trust and honesty in their relationship.
But how reliable are polygraph exams, anyway? What if the addict receives a false positive
– passes the exam while
not being truthful? What if the addict
receives a false negative
– fails the
exam while being truthful? How does the
polygraph exam work, and what are the factors that might contribute to
inaccurate results? Does the examiner’s
personality or approach play a role in the accuracy of the results? Do all reputable examiners use essentially
the same equipment and testing methods?
Does the test-taker play a role in the accuracy of the results? These are some of the questions I started to
ask myself when after many years of beneficial outcomes, I learned about someone
who received inaccurate results. It made
me question whether or not I should recommend its use in the future as part of
the disclosure process. The undue
emotional stress was costly for this individual, his wife, and the marriage.
First of all, "lie detector," the common term for polygraph,
is a misnomer. I avoid the term, “lie
detector,” and discourage its use by others.
There is no specific physiological reaction associated with lying. Brain activity and mechanisms associated with
lying are unknown, making it difficult to identify factors that separate liars
from truth tellers. The premise behind
polygraph is that a lie is associated with guilt, and guilt is associated with
a stress response. So rather than using a misleading term like “lie
detector,” I think a more suitable slang term for polygraph would be “stress
detector.”
Polygraph testing involves inferring guilt or “deception” by
measuring physiological responses to a series of questions. The polygraph measures and records several
physiological indices such as blood
pressure, pulse, respiration, and skin conductivity. These indices are represented by the familiar
squiggly lines on a rolling tape. The
problem with polygraphs is that although they are good at detecting a stress
response, other factors besides guilt from not telling the truth may be
present, like anxiety disorders such as PTSD, OCD, or ADHD, nervousness, fear,
confusion, hypoglycemia, psychosis, depression, aggressive tactics by the
examiner, substance use (nicotine, stimulants), or substance withdrawal (alcohol). A polygraph cannot differentiate stress
caused by dishonesty and stress caused by something else.
Several questioning techniques are commonly used in
polygraph tests. The most widely used
test format is the Control Question Test (CQT).
The CQT compares responses to relevant questions (e.g., “Did you have
sex with a woman other than your wife?”), with those of control questions. The control questions are designed to control
for the effect of the generally threatening nature of the relevant
questions. Control questions concern
misdeeds that are similar to those being investigated, but refer to the
subject’s past and are usually broad in scope; for example, “Have you ever
betrayed anyone who trusted you?”
A person who is telling the truth is assumed to fear the
control questions more than the relevant questions. This is because the control questions are
designed to arouse a subject’s concern about their past truthfulness, while
relevant questions ask about a behavior they presumably know they did not
commit. A pattern of greater
physiological response to relevant questions than to control questions leads to
a diagnosis of “deception.” Greater
response to control questions leads to a judgment of “non-deception.” If no difference is found between relevant
and control questions, the test result is considered “inconclusive.” These differences are subjective and based on
interpretation by the examiner, and bias can result in the examiner drawing the
wrong conclusion.
A fundamental
problem with polygraph examinations is how operators establish what a lie looks
like. Subjects are peppered with a variety of "control questions" to
which the examiner anticipates a dishonest answer. Those who insist, for example, that they
never stole something as a child or never tried illegal drugs in their youth
are assumed to be lying -- and the examiner then uses those responses as a
baseline for detecting deceptive answers to other questions. In addition, the underlying assumption
(physiological response to guilt) is flawed, as well. There is no evidence that any pattern of
physiological reactions is unique to deception.
An honest person may be nervous when answering truthfully and a
dishonest person may be non-anxious.
For now,
although the idea of a polygraph may be comforting for the partner and/or the
addict, the most practical advice is to remain skeptical about any conclusion
wrung from a polygraph exam. Polygraphs
not only falsely accuse honest people of lying – they also fail to detect
skilled liars. Even using the high estimates of the polygraph's accuracy, 90%,
false positives occur, and these people suffer the consequences of
"failing" the polygraph. A
1997 survey in the Journal of Applied Psychology put the test's accuracy rate
at only 61 percent.
If you are
inclined to use polygraph as part of the disclosure process, know that it is
just a tool. For best results, seek a
polygraph examiner who is well versed in sexual addiction, sees the polygraph
as part of the relationship repair process, and believes that recovery from
sexual addiction is possible. I do not
recommend examiners who approach the process as if the addict is a criminal. If an examiner wants to “nail” the addict,
they can manipulate the test to increase the chances. These examiners are not interested in sexual
addiction recovery for the addict and his or her partner, and I’m not
interested in having them be part of the process.
When partners
experience sexual betrayal,
perhaps the most painful experience of trauma they
may ever experience in their lives, they respond to the trauma with
safety-seeking behaviors. The request
for polygraph is sometimes one of them.
Whereas safety-seeking behaviors are normal and natural, they are not
healing. External forces may provide
relief, but they never offer the sustainable healing energy we desire. The wounds of sexual betrayal are spiritual;
the damage inflicts the person’s sole.
Thus, the healing must also be spiritual and come from the divine
within.